//* love

Thursday, March 29, 2007

No secret between us..Promised..alright..but i relaly don noe how to tell u how i felt..cause i don noe how u will react when u knew abt it..avoid ? retreat ? step back ? go as far as possible ? or best not to have any contact ? haiz..i don noe..feel really confused n vex..Ya..I'm jealous..wheneva i see u n others so close i m jealous..jealous not b'cos i like u..but b'cos of a unknown feelin in mi..i jus don like it..mayb not use to it when seeing a guy behaving so closely to a normal girl friend..u can sae i m sensitive..i m petty..i tink too much..n is scary..but wat i can sae is the truth feelin from mi..i feel so xin ku kiping in my heart..i don noe who to turn to..no one wil understand wat i excatly wans to express out..i also cant express much..i don really noe how to..wheneva i see those senerio..i jus pretend i saw nth..i jus pretend nth happen..jus smilex n walk on without turning back.i scare when i turn back i will see something unexpected..which makes mi hurt..ya..wat u said b4 might b rite..being relationship wif mi might nid a lot of courage..n real luv put in..n wif a over sensitive.attitude gf..no gd living life..ppl change..will i change b'cos of u..? i don noe..didnt have much conversation btw u n mi today..i don noe how to tok to u,..my mind is split to 2 parts..evil n angel..evil asked mi to stand strong n maintain ur thoughts..let tis b the chance to see if he notice n understand ur feelin..thoughts..n knows wat excatly wat to do not..while the angel sae..go on..tok to him..b nice n gentle..forgive n forget everything..nth is impossible..go on..haiz..with tis 2..i really don noe wat to do..everyone might sae he is jus ur best friend..best buddies..best partners..but will it b one sided ? did he really treat u as how u treat him ? r u really his best friend ? ur best buddies ? ur best partners ? tats wat others ask..n without any consent,..i jus replied..yes.definitely is..even if it were to b a lie towards myself..i might also b contented..jus wanna b selfish..kip u by mi..cause when i noe u r close to someone else..wat it came to my mind is jus:"will he goes to others ? will he leave? will he still b by mi?supportin? guiding ?"..i don noe..y y y ? i also don wish it to happen..wat i cld do is jus restrictin myself from any moves.. U grown up le..i noe u understand sometimes..tats y everyone is being more open to u ba..

Didnt really look at u face to face..cause i scare to face u..i don dare to see ur face expression..i scare i might cry..i feel hurt..guilty..when my heart don wan u to b alone as promised..but i feel like putting on a temper to tell u i m angry wif something..n hope u wld jus step forward n console mi..haiz..noe u might nt b good in speakin ba..nvm ..i don noe la..wheneva i cried is b'cos i cant take it anymore..sometimes when u feel like crying despite nth happens..jus cry it out..it is b'cos everything stored too long in ur heart is already numb n no more hurt is noticed..but emotion is still there to b vented out..so crying is really gd..now many might sae i m not strong enough to hold back my tears n cry silently..i might nt control my own tears n moods..wanted attention or wat so eva..nvm..by all means go n sae ba.. i jus wan to express out my feelin at the particular moments..so no more tears to b kept on..feel really better..haiz..

Went to dor house do project..when walked out of lot 1,u said u goin home..wat i get from shirley they all is..huhx?how come so strange de ? thought he will b coming along wif us..yet he is so sensible to go home instead of following..they felt guilty..feel like neglecting u..yup..tats true..nvm..its over..anyway..today were quite alright ba..jus really feel the hurt..really painful..restricting myself from doin the normal daily life actions..haiz..pls..come ot mi..help mi..tell mi wat i shld do..haiz..

I says wat i wan to sae..i express my OWN feelin..being nice..if don like wat is written u may choose to leave anytime..choose to hate mi any moment..jus nv able to stop how i feel..n remember..don make use of mi to get a motive done..nv eva..don treat mi so gd jus b'cos of a hurting reason..pls leave if u have no confidence to deal wif a stubborn n attitude gal like mi..don tink u noe everything abt mi when u don noe anything..don eva judge mi on how i look n behave..look thru my heart...Leaving mi wif some fresh air breathing for some times..time will prove everything to mi n everyone.lub u all lots..B TRUE TO MI !!!

Seprating slowly..My heart Dropped to the end of the sea..I cld understand how u felt.as we r goin thru the same process..Do u feel the hurt too ? Sometimes i relaly wish i cld b ur cells livin inside u..knowing wat i happening..how u feel..haiz..

Shian Always..

Guardian Angel Paradise @ 8:06 PM